Closed book is my life

It is very hard for me to open up to others.  I am like a closed book sitting on the shelf.  Except for my book is locked as well.  Good luck trying to open it.  It is hard for me to make close friends because of this.  I keep wanting to shout out all my inner feelings to them but can't.  I would love to have a friend that I could meet at a coffeehouse and just share my day but I can't.  I am emotionless and have been my whole life.  Afraid of opening up not knowing how it would be accepted or not from the person I was talking too.  I show neither highs nor lows when I am out in the public.  I know that others may think I am high on myself, rude, not caring, or any or all of the those things but I am not.  I am just stuck in a world of fear.  I have tried to open up in small groups but in the end could not do that either.  It does not really matter who I am with it is very hard for them to get close to me.  I have only a couple of really close friends and those I have had for years.  But for new people who come into my life I am almost not willing to even consider opening myself up to them.  I do not know when this not wanting to open up started but I do know it is getting worst as the days go by.  I am actually a very polite, caring, easy to talk to, very good at listening to others problems, and more but no one knows that because of me being this way.  I wish someone could buy my book, find a way to open it up, and rewrite some of the pages in my life.  Changing the parts that were closed and allowing me the opportunity to be normal like everyone else.  Feeling free to say whatever I want without feeling that someone will think that I was a stupid fuck for saying that and then not caring even if they did think that.  I am trapped in my own little world where the borders are sealed and the ruler is fear of what others might think of me.  

Well the book may seem to be closed but trust me the context inside the book are wanting to leap out and share itself with others. 

I just have to find where I left that key to re-open the book.  

Written - 12 December 2007